A Grassroots Operation from Berlin, Maryland
Draft Zack!
Let’s send Zack Tyndall to Annapolis WASHINGTON to be the next Lieutenant Governor of Maryland Cabin Boy for Orange Man.
Hallelujah!
Ladies and gentlemen, our prayers could be answered.
The draftzack.com political intelligence unit has detected a pending Congressional bid by Berlin’s gold-star mayor. Never mind that he’s never been west of Salisbury and has roughly zero chance unless Maryland completely redraws every district. He may also be a few gravitas short of a full stack. But we can still pray for divine intervention — and for Zack’s permanent removal to the Western Shore. Failing up is the whole point, people.
Get Out the Vote !!!
Welcome to Draft Zack!
Pick up a sharp object and join the movement of Berlin, Maryland residents who really know Zack Tyndall’s leadership record and ambition. Together, we can send him to Annapolis to become the next Lieutenant Governor of Maryland. Or, at the very least, do something over there.
“As Guv Lite, Zack’s star will shine as bright as Spiro Agnew, or maybe even Marvin Mandel.”
— Norm Bounds, Berlin business owner
Why Draft Zack Tyndall?
Zack Tyndall is the right choice for Lieutenant Governor of Maryland. With his proven devotion to self-advancement, sending Zack to the Western Shore will bring positive change and progress to our Worcester County community.
“With Zack in Annapolis, not only will he be on the Western Shore, but we hope he’ll stay occupied with things over there.”
— Cindy Quillen, Berlin homemaker
Zack’s Vision for Berlin
Zack envisions a Berlin that looks like nothing, but serves as a springboard for his personal ambitions. So we townspeople say: spring away! Let’s make this young man’s dreams come true.
We want to share Zack with the Western Shore. In fact, you can come and take him home with you — sort of like a big fat COVID cough.
“In Annapolis, Zack’s ambulance driving skills will help him navigate.”
— Leonard Stoltzfus, retired honeydipper
Zack: A World-Class Visionary
With a short lifetime of experience spent almost entirely within 25 miles of Berlin, Zack’s sophisticated planning and skillful bargaining draws in developers looking to score. And Zack knows economic development, aesthetics, historic preservation, and good planning like the best of them. Better than the best of them, in fact.
Go ahead, name anything you are better at than Zack. Gotcha! Nothing, right? Can’t name a single thing, can you? That’s because Zack can do it all. Better than people with degrees and experience.
“There’s not an issue that Zack doesn’t work to his own advantage. He does things that normal people just don’t do.”
— Isaiah Parnell, Berlin grocery stocker
Zack has planned the world’s shortest million-dollar superhighway to nowhere, architected the great EDU giveaway, and the attempted hollowing out of downtown Berlin. And don’t forget his trademark “toxic boomerang” maneuver: keep the public debt high, sell cheap to developers, then let the developers come back and bill the Town for cleaning up their new land.
And consider public safety. Since Berlin is stricken with such a dreadfully high crime rate, Zack has put police surveillance cameras on every corner, even peering into the Atlantic Hotel guest room windows. They call it America’s Coolest Police Surveillance Network, codename “Deputy Fife’s Fifty Eyes.”
Don’t even think of picking a booger on Berlin’s streets because the heat is gonna see it. Thanks to Zack!
